The Thankful Project - Day 6

Today I'm linking up with Kenzie at Chasing Happy for Day 6 of her "Thankful Project".

Today's prompt is: a failure.

I'm not really sure how to word this*, or even if it's really a "failure," but at the time I thought it was.  In elementary school, I had a bunch of friends.  The groups I hung out with in school shifted and changed a bit in elementary school, but by 6th grade, I had two best friends and a few others I sat with at lunch... 

But in 7th grade, something happened.  I don't know why, but those two girls decided they didn't want to be my friend anymore.  They called me "the beast" (I don't know why I got that particular nickname... I wasn't overly hairy and I wasn't mean, but it was a great way for them to make me feel horrible about myself).  I made new friends that year, but none were really close.

Then in 8th grade, I became really close with Megan, who would become my BFF (and still is to this day...).  In high school, one of the two girls whom I had fallen out with in 7th grade (for some reason I still don't know), and I became friends again.  The other one I talked to rarely -- we ran in different circles.  So I pretty much went through high school with two really good friends.

So, what's my failure, you ask?  Well I guess at the time I felt like I should have had more friends.  And I could have, if I had been a certain way.  Some people (like Megan) are able to be friends with everyone without having to try.  People always like her, and I was always kind of jealous that she had more friends than me.  The popular girls talked to her.  

We were probably 14.  So cooooool.

Then there are other kinds of people, like me, who for some reason have more trouble making friends.  And those people have two choices: 1) be fake and have lots of "friends" that at the end of the day aren't people you can trust or even like very much, or 2) be yourself and have two friends.  

I know that girls (and I guess some of the guys too) thought I was a complete bitch in high school.  And maybe I was.  I hated high school because I thought everyone was so fake and dramatic and petty.  I just couldn't wait for college (then I went to college and it was just like high school in so many ways).  So I think because I hated it, I didn't make friends, and because I didn't make friends I hated it.  

At the time, I saw it as a failure to make friends.  But now, I see it as a failure to be fake -- which is most definitely a positive thing.  I'm so glad I didn't waste my time trying to be friends with everyone.  Sure I might have had more fun, might have gone to more parties (or A party..) and might have had more dates.  But I wouldn't have been ME.

I always remember my mom telling me that if someone doesn't like you for who you are, they aren't worth your time.  There will always be people who, for one reason or another, don't like you.  And that's fine.  Now that I'm an adult, I don't NEED friends like I felt like I NEEDED them in high school.  In high school if you went to the movies by yourself you were a complete loser.  Now, I would kill to go to the movies by myself just to be alone for 2 hours!

And I'm so grateful that I completely failed at being fake.  Because even though I have exactly one friend (Megan), she is the best friend anyone could ever ask for and I love her like another sister.  We have been through so much together and understand things that other people in our lives could never understand.  I'm happy with our friendship, and because I didn't change into another person and pretend to be a certain way, I knew from the very beginning that Megan liked me for ME and I never had to be anything but myself with her.  

In college I had a few other friends; some that, at the time, I spent much more time with than Megan (we went to the same school, but had different majors and only a few classes together).  I wasn't in a sorority.  I was in an honor society, but only had one or two "friends" from that.  No one I really hung out with outside of meetings and events for the society.  I tried to befriend some of them, but none of them really meshed well with my personality, so I didn't push it.  I didn't waste my time chasing after people who weren't going to be there for me, and for that I'm so glad.

At our college graduation - 2007

I'm thankful that I have one friend -- My best friend in all of Africa.  And I really wish I could find the page of our "Notebook" that had FAILURE written all across it (probably in reference to the upcoming Chemistry test Mr. Peterman was about to give us), it would be so relevant!  I'm thankful for this: 

Visiting last weekend -- we both have newborns... can ya tell?

*Which means this post will be extremely wordy.